Navigating life with a demanding toddler

Can we take a moment to talk about the three-year-old stage? Because I’m starting to wonder if it’s just my child or if they all come with this much determination. Navigating life right now with a demanding toddler feels like a whole new level of parenting!

Lately, it feels like no matter how much I do to please her, she’s just not happy. And it’s such a stab to the heart because all I want is to see her happy and to be the person who creates that safe, happy space for her. But right now, it feels like she’s pushing every boundary just to see how far she can go.

The boundaries we’re struggling with right now

• Food battles – She will not eat anything of substance. We’ve always had our go-to meals — nuggets, plain pasta, but even those now spark meltdowns. We’ve tried everything (and I mean everything). She tells us she’s hungry, but won’t eat anything we offer.

• The car seat struggle – She’s never been a fan, but lately it’s become near impossible. Even if it’s somewhere she wants to go, just getting her strapped in is a battle, and it makes leaving the house so stressful.

• The dreaded “no” – I can say yes a thousand times in a day, but the one “no” is enough to tip everything upside down. If we don’t give in, she gets so upset that she sometimes makes herself sick. And for a child who barely eats, the last thing we want is her being sick. So yes, I give in — a lot. And it makes me feel like I’m losing control of being a respected parent.

• Not willing to listen – Whether it’s following instructions while learning something new, refusing help, getting in the shower, changing her nappy, getting dressed, or honestly just anything — she simply won’t listen. It feels like I’m in a constant battle over basic everyday tasks. I find this especially hard on workdays when I’m trying to get her ready and out of the house, or even on days we’re home, just getting her dressed and ready for the day ahead can be exhausting.

• Bedtime resistance – We’ve always had a solid bedtime routine (asleep by 7pm), but for the past few weeks, she simply refuses to go to bed. We stay with her until she’s asleep, but just getting her into her room is a huge challenge. Again, if she gets too upset, she throws up — and that makes bedtime even harder.

I know all the things everyone tells you

• They push boundaries, especially with the people they feel safest with.

• It’s a natural part of becoming their own person and learning about the world.

• My job is to stay patient, supportive, and understanding while she figures it all out.

• This stage won’t last forever (even if it feels like it will).

  
  

But it’s hard to stay in that mindset in the heat of the moment, especially for someone like me who has had to practice patience and learn to be less reactive.

I know what she needs, but in those really tough moments, I lose sight of it. I get frustrated. It’s a natural response, but it’s hard to be kind to myself when it happens, and it can leave me feeling like I’m failing.

Still, I’ll keep trying — because I want to be the mum I’m proud of and the mum Ruby deserves.

What I try to practice in the tough moments

• Pause before reacting – When the chaos hits, I try to pause, take a deep breath, and lower my voice (even though it feels impossible). It often helps her calm down faster, and it keeps me from spiralling with her. 

• Pick your battles – I’ve had to let go of ideal situations. If wearing the most ridiculous outfit gets us out of the house without tears, so be it. Saving “no” for things that truly matter helps reduce the meltdowns.

• Setting boundaries  – Even if she resists, I’ve noticed that staying firm on decisions helps her learn to regulate her emotions, understand which behaviours aren’t acceptable and stay consistent with routines. 

• Taking a moment to rest – Some days we both just need a do-over. A walk outside, five minutes of cuddles on the couch, or even putting on music and dancing around can completely change the mood.

• Offering choices (even small ones) – Offering two simple options (“blue top or pink top?”) helps her feel like she has some control, which often prevents major meltdowns.

• Be kind to yourself – I remind myself that being calm 100% of the time is unrealistic. Messy moments don’t make me a bad mum, they make me a human one.

Some positive affirmations to lean on Sometimes, I just need a few words to reset and check myself:

• “I breathe in calm and exhale everything else.”

• “We’re all doing our best and love each other”

• “I have time to be patient.”

• "Messy moments don't make me a bad mum."

• “This moment is hard, but it won't last forever.”

• “I am learning and growing every day.”

• “I am a safe place for her big emotions.”

Repeating even just one of these silently to myself can help soften the pressure I place on myself and shift me out of the spiral of guilt or frustration.

If you’re in this stage too Please know you’re not alone. Part of me writing this is to remove the weight it holds over me, to gain clarity, and to create a space where other mums know they’re not alone in this stage either.

If you have any tips, I’d love to hear them.

Honestly, writing this out has already helped. It reminded me that even though it feels like a struggle every day, maybe it’s not as bad as it feels in the moment. The list could be longer, I guess.

And I don’t want to be ungrateful, I know so many parents are going through even harder seasons. But everyone has their version of hard, and right now, this is mine.